new year, same crappy me.
What color goes best with fear and self-loathing? camo?
Well, friend, we did it....we made it through 2020. And now already two weeks into 2021.
Last year was tough. My anxiety and depression really amped up. Especially towards the end there.
Some days I really struggled to get out of bed.
Some days I drank way too much tequila and ate way too much bullsh&t.
Some days I cried all day.
Oh some days...some days... were tough.
Towards the end of 2020, my "fat" pants were too tight.
My giant granny panties were starting to look like thongs.
Last year was hard. And as they say,
You can't choose what life throws at you but you can choose how you react to it.
So I committed to major changes...I committed to welcoming this new year with a fresh perspective.
New year, new me.
I'm proud to say that as soon as Friday, January 1st, 2021 hit, I made some serious changes in my life. I:
stopped drinking alcohol
hit my diet and exercise harder than ever
stopped mindlessly scrolling through social media
stopped wasting time watching crap tv
started reading 3 new self-help books
became laser focused on my business goals
started waking up to watch the sunrise and practice meditation and gratitude
When I feel anxious or depressed I just make a decision to be happy...to
focus on the good.
Oh, and also, all of that is a bunch of bullsh%t. I actually just left the liquor store. (The Hubs and I have been upgraded to Gold Status, whatever that means.)
New year, same crappy me.
I'm still the same a$$hole that buys hundreds of dollars in fresh veggies and fish then a few days later throws away moldy veggies and smelly fish because we ended up ordering pizza or making nachos.
I'm still the gal that tells people off in my head while I shower.
I still have a daily morning cry.
I still have trouble getting out of bed.
I still gain the same 20 pounds during the holidays and then lose the same 30 pounds throughout the next year.
Every year I make new resolutions.
Every year, I stumble.
Every year I beat myself up over it.
“I'm a loser that will never change.”
Every year I try everything.
But the ONE thing I have never tried?
Loving myself unconditionally.
My whole adult life I've been fat, I've been thin, I've been drunk, I've been sober, I've been sad, I've been happy. I've succeeded. I've failed.
And guess what, I'm still here...panicking about every little misstep.
All those years I spent waiting... to lose the weight or have a better job or more money saved to really “start living my best life.” When really my best life was unfolding all around me every day, without me even noticing.
I still ate the pizza...it would have tasted so much better without the guilt.
Listen, I'm still all in for resolutions and goals and growth and change. But I just don't think we can truly be the best versions of ourselves if we continue to be so damn hard on ourselves.
In order to fight for ourselves we have to stop fighting against ourselves.
So my one and only resolution for this year...to give myself credit for all the greatness that is in me. And to understand that life truly is a process and we're doing okay, kid.
It's just too exhausting to be unkind, especially to yourself.
It's just too hard to flourish under such extreme scrutiny.
In this new year, especially after all we've been through, let's rally behind ourselves. Show ourselves the love we so freely give to everyone else.
Oh and when you feel a bit of self-hatred creeping up just tell yourself,
“I'm actually quite damn lovely. I'm a f*cking gem.”
Because you are.
You f*cking are.
You can do anything.
I believe in you.
You are greatly loved.
Sincerely, Veronica Towns
Ps. Comment below and let me know what you absolutely love about yourself! Can't think of anything? Try thinking about what your friends love about you. I love hearing from you!...makes my day...