"Breathe. It's just a bad day, not a bad life." -Unknown
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." -Robert H. Schuller
"Don't worry, everything is going to be amazing." -Unknown
Teronica Vowns woke up in the morning only to find that her eyes had been glued shut with a crust that had formed from her dry tears, sweat and self loathing. She crinkled her nose as she pried her eyes open, stumbled out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. Her eyes were in no mood to cooperate and would only open a tiny bit. Her face was red and puffy. Her eyes stung and her hair was sticking out in all directions as if trying to escape her head. She washed up a bit and walked back into the small living room and tried to watch a bit of TV. After turning it on she realized it was set to some language she didn't understand. She tinkered with the buttons a bit and then let out a heavy sigh of despair. Stupid TV. Stupid nice landlord. Stupid New York.
The Hubs, upon waking, sat up in bed, stretched his long arms, let out a massive yawn, smiled from ear to ear, looked at Teronica and said, “Good morning beautiful.”
Teronica walked over and plopped herself dramatically on the bed with her shoulders slumped,
“My Love, I feel so crappy and blue about last night.”
The Hubs replied, “Yeah that was crazy.”
Teronica continued, “I can't believe that dick Roger scammed us. I bet he had eyes on us from the beginning. We are such fools!”
The Hubs responded, “Yeah, shit happens. You hungry? I'm starved!”
“Ugh.” Teronica was annoyed. “BABE! I thought you were going to die last night, we could have been killed and now we have no 140 dollars and still no weed! And you are just going to blow it off?”
The Hubs laughed, “I wasn't going to die. I was fine. You're freaking out. Who cares about the money, it's only money.”
“THE HUBS! Your eyes were rolling back into your head! You were laying in a pool of your own sweat! I thought you had shit your pants! Are you going to tell me you were okay?!”
The Hubs laughed again and kissed Teronica on her forehead, her nose and then her lips and whispered, “But I didn't shit my pants. So, get over it.”
Teronica's eyes widened as she gasped and opened her mouth to counter this ridiculous remark. The Hubs kissed her lips again and added, “And besides I bet this will make a great story for you to write about later anyway.”
Teronica shouted, “NO! I am never telling anyone. And you have to promise me you will never tell anyone either!”
The Hubs promised.
Teronica glared at him.
His ever lasting optimism can be dreadful. When experiencing a completely insane situation it is absolutely imperative that every party involved be informed as to the dreadful nature of the dreadful situation and therefore act accordingly; dreadfully. Henceforth; optimism is a drama queen's buzz kill.
Teronica and The Hubs showered and dressed and (against Teronica's wishes) left the apartment to explore the city. Teronica felt gloomy and Mother Nature showed her solidarity by hiding the sun with the clouds. Teronica and The Hubs wandered aimlessly through the town and Teronica made sure to keep an eye out for murderers, robbers, thugs, thieves, famous people and...Roger. (That bitch.)
They wandered into an H&M clothing store. Inside, and to Teronica's amazement, a DJ was behind a booth cranking out music and spinning records. Teronica turned to The Hubs, “Holy Big Apple Batman, a friggin' DJ in a clothing store!” Things were looking up. As they were browsing they happened upon a display with very tiny sequined hats. A few months before they had seen similar hats in a sketch on Saturday Night Live. Teronica stopped the first H&M employee she saw to inquire about the curious little hats.
Teronica: “Excuse me, Sir, are these hats a joke or do people really wear them?”
Flamboyant, well dressed, 18 (or younger), H&M employee, “Um........” Eye roll. “What country are you from?”.....looked Teronica up and down.
Teronica sunk back, “Um.......Texas?”
Flamboyant, well dressed, 18 (or younger), H&M employee walked away without saying another word.
Teronica forced The Hubs to wear the hats as she took pictures. And vice versa. Stupid tiny hats. Stupid fabulous and trendy young gay guy. Stupid New York.
Teronica and the Hubs headed for Central Park. The park really was gorgeous. No wonder so many Law & Order episodes had begun in Central park. (Of course each episode usually consisted of a jogger finding a dead body there.) Teronica kept an eye out for murderers, robbers, thugs, thieves, famous people, people wearing tiny sequined hats and....Roger. (That bitch.) As they walked her spirits began to lift. The park was magical indeed. There were people dressed in costumes, children playing and laughing, people forming gigantic soap bubbles and there was even an awesome dance troupe putting on a show for a huge crowd. Teronica and The Hubs came across an adorable older man dressed in a multi-colored sequined shirt, a flowing red skirt and a fake green beard. His ensemble was topped with a red hat. A green wig on top of the red hat. And a black bird on top of the green wig. Others were taking pictures with the man so Teronica stood in line as well. When it was her turn she said hello, handed the man a fiver and posed for the picture. The man smiled and posed as well. Just before The Hubs snapped the pic, the man, without speaking a word, pulled a tiny gray kitten from his shirt and put it on Teronica's head. Stunned, she just smiled and took the picture in her new kitten hat.
Stupid cute kitten living in eccentric guy's multicolored shirt. Stupid giant bubbles. Stupid awesome dance troupe. Stupid kids laughing. Stupid New York.
Teronica and The Hubs walked until they reached the Upper East Side of town. They stopped at an ATM to grab cash and asked a middle-aged, blonde lady where a great place to grab lunch was. The lady appeared a bit frightened but none the less pointed them in the direction of a small Mexican restaurant. Teronica and the Hubs walked in and found two open seats at the crowded bar. Immediately Teronica and The Hubs sparked up conversation with the guy sitting next to them. He was the same age as The Hubs and they both had long hair and both were drummers. (Let's call him Animal.) Teronica, The Hubs and Animal were all drinking beer but Animal ordered a strawberry margarita and placed it in front of the empty seat on the other side of him. He explained that his friend was in the bathroom. Because of the nature of the fruity drink Teronica and The Hubs assumed Animal was waiting for a lady friend. The trio happily chatted for a bit longer when Animal looked up and waved to the friend he was waiting for.
Teronica and The Hubs turned at the same time.
They were stunned.
It was a guy. Animal's band mate. (Let's call him John.)
You can do anything.
I believe in you.
You are greatly loved.