I hope all is well! And if it isn’t, it will be, I promise!
So by now, we have proclaimed our biggest dreams to the world and we have taken bold actions to get started on our paths to true happiness. So everything is just perfect and we can relax as we bask in the glory of our bravery and our genius….
Or maybe not.
When I finally decided that I was going to just go balls to the wall and follow my inner calling I expected every traffic light to turn green as I approached it, some stranger to open every door for me as I walked up and every emotion that I felt to be nothing but peace and happiness and confidence.
And what I got instead was more fear. More negative chatter in my brain. More reasons to stay in bed and not face the day with certainty and appreciation.
And I was pissed.
"Hey God, so, wait a minute, my life isn't going to be some sort of fabulous movie montage with all of my favorite songs showcasing my brilliant and valiant journey towards eternal success and financial abundance?"
It seemed to me that the deeper I got into following my passions the more I would doubt myself...and sabotage myself.
I would set up an appointment with my web guy (who, by the way, is fabulous, genius and ridiculously kind) and then I would desperately want to cancel the hour before.
I would set deadlines for myself for my blogs and then I would let them come and go without writing a word.
I would go to bed early and set an early alarm and in the morning I would just turn the alarm off and go back to bed.
Your ego or subconscious, or whatever you want to call it, is trying to protect you. By keeping you safe in your comfort zone...by tricking you...by talking mad kinds of bullshit to you.
Your mind is a powerful thing. And for better or for worse, your thoughts set your reality.
Some days I even convinced myself I deserved that extra entire day of sleep.
Some days I even actually felt physically ill. (Too ill to get out of bed and write that is.)
Every mountain I scaled would send me into a high I had never known before.
The excitement of people reading my blog. The thrill of figuring out code on my website. The joy of working on my web pictures or logos or business cards.
Then right after that, like a junkie coming down, I would feel really sad and depressed and tell myself what’s the whole fucking point?
I would wake up feeling scared and alone and panicked.
“What the hell am I thinking? I just can’t carry on like this. I just can’t be truly successful. I just can’t make a living writing. No one cares. No one will read. No one will find any value in the things that I find value in.”
And on and on and on….
And every day, I could find a million different reasons to quit.
Listen up friends!
The transition from your old life to your new life can be incredibly scary.
You are taking new risks. Taking on new challenges. And transforming into the being that you were always meant to be. You are stepping out of the comfort of mediocrity and exposing the greatness of your soul.
A caterpillar is born to become a butterfly.
Whether it knows that or not consciously, I am not sure. But deep down in its little caterpillar soul, it knows what is coming. That’s why it eats so much and gets nice and fat and then makes itself a cocoon.
(Yes I researched the whole process, you are welcome.)
Once in this dark and lonely cocoon, the caterpillar turns to mush as it works towards transforming into the butterfly. And when it is ready, the butterfly emerges and spreads its wings and flies. It doesn’t tell itself, “Oh, no, but I am not great enough to fly…”
It just flies because that is what it was born to do.
Do not fear the darkness even when you feel like mush inside.
Just keep with the process.
Be confident that your time to fly is coming.
I love to run. I really do. I run everyday. I am not a professional. I run slow. But I run.
Whether I am doing my own personal short run of three miles or my long run of six miles I always want to quit within the first mile. ALWAYS. My body always tells me, “STOP! I am tired. My legs ache. My feet hurt. My shoulders hurt. My head is too heavy. STOP! You are not a runner. You are a fat kid. You love beer. You love chips and salsa. You are not a runner. And you can’t possibly make it through this today. Leave the running to the others...”
And I used to stop.
I would give in.
I would agree with that negative chatter because I couldn’t see any other option.
Until one of my closest marathon running friends, Kate, let me in on a little secret.
She laughed when I shared my dilemma and said,
“The first mile is always a liar, don’t believe it. You can do it. I believe in you...So believe in yourself.”
So now, no matter what my mind is telling me during that bitchy first mile, I keep running.
And I say to myself...
“Thank you ego for trying to keep me safe. Thank you for trying to keep me in my comfort zone because I know anything past that is scary. And being scared is a lot to deal with. So thank you...But today I will be brave. Today, I don’t need you anymore.”
And I say this day after day. Run after run.
After a while, the negative thoughts float away and my body remembers its strength and its purpose. And I finish my goal with confidence. And with love.
Maybe tomorrow will still be difficult but maybe a little less difficult than today.
Once you set your goal, it is perfectly fine to reevaluate your plan, but by all means, don’t give in to the fear and the negative chatter, just keep going.
Yesterday you were brave.
And yesterday you decided you would be great.
And yesterday, you were correct.
I believe in you.
You can do anything.
You are greatly loved.